I’m so tempted to just say that the importance of being empathic can not be overstated, done, end of posting. But that would do a disservice to the concept of empathy. There are so many ways to begin to talk about the importance of empathy, I really don’t know where to begin. Empathy is vital for human connection and human connection is vital to happiness and well-being. Empathy is a teachable, learnable skill that is, in my opinion is not talked about enough, much less taught enough.

According to Carl Rodger (1940) empathy is, “defined as perceiving the internal frame of reference of another person accurately — their feelings, meanings, and personal world — as if you were that person, but without losing the “as if” quality.” I believe most people know the definition of empathy to be the ability to put yourself in another person’s shoes. I would like to pose another definition. Empathy is the ability to be curious about what the other person is saying and feeling and make them aware of that curiosity. Without judgement, without blame, empathy is about wanting to know more about what the other person is thinking, feeling and saying. To me, “Tell me more” is the essence of empathy. Not a hollow, tell me more, but a sincere and curious, hmmmm tell me more, I really want to understand what you are saying and feeling. Empathy builds relationships and connection, which in turns increases well-being.

Starting today what can you do differently? To begin with you can learn to be curious. When you feel defensive or upset, replace those feelings with curiosity. Be curious about what the other person is saying as well as what you are feeling in response to the other person. Why am I feeling this way, what is this bringing up for me and can I react productively? Curiosity might have killed the cat but remember satisfaction brought it back!